celebrate the mess

I am a perfectionist. 

Hands down.

Those who know me well know this to be true. I struggle and stress to get straight A's in school, to be the perfect mom, daughter, sister, and friend, and to do things the "right" way. The problem, however,  is simply that I'm human, and therefore have a nature tendency to err on imperfection.  

This semester in school has been challenging for me, as well as the circumstances that have seemed to dictate the direction and speed of my life the past few months.  I have worried, stressed, and strived to hold myself and my life together in an effortless manner. The truth is, though: life is messy. It is often a chaotic, confusing, uncontrolled, helter-skelter whirlwind that we find ourselves in the midst of.  Life is fast and we must keep moving to keep up with it. But we also must slow down enough to celebrate and enjoy the madness. 

This painting was an attempt to do just that, to celebrate the mess of life.  As much as I tried to create a mess in this painting , I kept wanting to perfect it. So I fought it, not because I don't enjoy life or because I can't handle a little chaos-- but because it wasn't perfect.  It seemed flawed and defective in some way and I wanted to give up and start over. I grew so frustrated with the painting that I wanted to punch a hole through it and call it a day. One of my friends came over while I was painting and I expressed my frustration to her.  She asked why I was disappointed with it, and I explained that it wasn't perfect and I wanted it to be perfect.  She reminded me though, that it wasn't about it being perfect. It was an experiment, an expression of my heart, and the whole point of the painting was being fulfilled despite my frustration. 

So I let it be. I took a break and came back the next day. And you know what? I liked it. I appreciated it. And I saw the beauty in it.

Do you see it too?

"Life is not meant to be easy, my child; but take courage-- it can be delightful."

[-George Bernard Shaw]