freedom calls

I just returned home from an incredible week at the DIVE school in Texas. I painted a lot while I was there so I have a series of paintings that I will be posting in the next few days. So, stay tuned! :)

This painting is a two piece design, simply meaning that the two canvases fit together to form one painting; and in this case, the shape of a tree.

The bottom half of the tree is meant to portray the hardships of life, sin, and the darkness that we so often find ourselves caught in the midst of. At times, it is a suffocating, demobilizing, and hopeless place to be.  Darkness tends to cloud our vision and make our hearts cry out: "set me free."

This has been the cry of my heart over and over again the past few years. Through moments of freedom and joy, there is still a darkness that lurks, waiting for a moment alone with me, when it can draw me in again. For me, shame and fear have been two of the biggest factors and weak spots in me that so often allow the darkness to seep in again.  And I give in, again and again. I cry out for freedom and for my chains to be broken- forgetting that all along, my chains HAVE been broken and I AM already free.

Because here's the thing: Jesus came so that we could be free. He died so that we could live in freedom and not have to be burdened by shame or guilt or fear or sadness, or whatever it is that sucks us into and locks us in the darkness. In Galatians 5:1 it says that "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."  Is that not clear enough? We ARE free. But we have to live that and breathe that for ourselves.  The price has already been paid; we just need to claim it.

The second part of Galatians 5:1 says that "Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."  This means that we have to not only turn away from the darkness- we have  to FIGHT it at times. And continue to believe and claim what is already ours.

The upper half of the painting, as you can see, is lighter in color and in form.  Words like "restoration", "redemption," and "hope" line the branches. You may notice that I repeated the word "freedom" a few times and that was no accident. I wanted to emphasize the word and emphasize the fact that we are free, and have freedom, from all of the things that hold us down, because of what Jesus did on the cross.

embrace that. accept that. claim that today.

you.are.free.

celebrate the mess

I am a perfectionist. 

Hands down.

Those who know me well know this to be true. I struggle and stress to get straight A's in school, to be the perfect mom, daughter, sister, and friend, and to do things the "right" way. The problem, however,  is simply that I'm human, and therefore have a nature tendency to err on imperfection.  

This semester in school has been challenging for me, as well as the circumstances that have seemed to dictate the direction and speed of my life the past few months.  I have worried, stressed, and strived to hold myself and my life together in an effortless manner. The truth is, though: life is messy. It is often a chaotic, confusing, uncontrolled, helter-skelter whirlwind that we find ourselves in the midst of.  Life is fast and we must keep moving to keep up with it. But we also must slow down enough to celebrate and enjoy the madness. 

This painting was an attempt to do just that, to celebrate the mess of life.  As much as I tried to create a mess in this painting , I kept wanting to perfect it. So I fought it, not because I don't enjoy life or because I can't handle a little chaos-- but because it wasn't perfect.  It seemed flawed and defective in some way and I wanted to give up and start over. I grew so frustrated with the painting that I wanted to punch a hole through it and call it a day. One of my friends came over while I was painting and I expressed my frustration to her.  She asked why I was disappointed with it, and I explained that it wasn't perfect and I wanted it to be perfect.  She reminded me though, that it wasn't about it being perfect. It was an experiment, an expression of my heart, and the whole point of the painting was being fulfilled despite my frustration. 

So I let it be. I took a break and came back the next day. And you know what? I liked it. I appreciated it. And I saw the beauty in it.

Do you see it too?

"Life is not meant to be easy, my child; but take courage-- it can be delightful."

[-George Bernard Shaw]

my heart

I painted this piece a few weeks ago and haven't, until now, had time to post it on the blog. So here ya go.

It honestly took me awhile to like this painting, which is maybe why I haven't been very motivated to post it. I thought the open part at the top was too plain, too empty. But after some time, I grew to appreciate it and feel that it was and is really part of the piece.  It makes sense.

To me, this painting is a reflection of my heart. There is joy and beauty, confusion and pain, truth and innocence. Most intriguing though, is the dark, empty space-- not meant to symbolize darkness, hatred, or a void. But instead to represent depth.  I believe in each of us there are unknown and secret places, spaces left to discover and unveil. 

It is the secret of life.

 "It is a terrible thing to be so open: it is as if my heart put on a face and walked into the world." 

[-Sylvia Plath, "A Poem for Three Voices."]

a light in the darkness

Recently I've been feeling like I'm in limbo- somewhere in between being okay and not.  I'm in the midst of a tough situation and I feel like I often find myself in a state of confusion, feeling conflicted and unsure of what to do.

Such is how I was feeling yesterday when I painted this piece.

This painting actually started out green, believe it or not.  I almost always start my painting with a black background because I like to bring light to the darkness. I decided to try something different this time, although you obviously can't tell anymore because the green is all but completely covered. It was a nasty shade of green though, so you're really not missing much.

The way I view this painting is exactly the way I was feeling at the time: confused and conflicted.  The mixed of colors, lines, shapes, and textures create a sense of chaos almost.  The darkness appears to be seeping in and overshadowing the light along with everything else in sight.  You almost feel like the darkness is dripping or falling down, as if it is about to cover the entire painting completely. But alas, it is not.  The light  is illuminating and erasing the darkness.  

That is what I seek to portray through this painting. That although I feel troubled at times, I can have hope.  Even when it feels like the darkness is closing in on me, it can not extinguish my light.  

Light shines brighter in the dark.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5

separated

I'm in the middle of yet another painting so I figured that I should post this one before I finish the new one..

This painting came in the middle of some very complicated and intriguing circumstances. I was feeling a lot of mixed emotions, to say the least, and was having a hard time removing myself from them. This feeling generally urges me to paint, and so I willingly obeyed. The purpose of this painting, however, is different than others.  It was not created to necessarily portray those intense feelings, but instead to distract and create in me a sense of euphoria and self-confidence. In essence, the painting took me away to another place and time, where I was completely separate from my emotions.  

The painting is actually a lot cooler in person.  There is a lot of texture, constructed by sand, paper towels, and heavy acrylic paint. I used paint brushes, pallets, and knives to move and order the paint where it should go.

I'm a pretty big fan of it, perhaps more from the experience than the actual end result-- but I do think it looks pretty cool.  Somewhat psychedelic, maybe.

Whether or not YOU like it, though, is completely up to you :)

"If you could say it in words, there'd be no reason to paint."
[Edward Hopper]

my hope is in You

The thought behind this painting is hard to explain. 

It is composed of acrylic paints and mixed media, as I often use.  I ripped out a few verses from the Bible that have been speaking to me recently. (I have a Bible that is strictly used for crafts-- I also have one that I use for reading. Don't judge me!)  The verses I chose were mostly from the Psalms: Psalm 37:1-7, Psalm 55:16-17, Psalm 32:7.  I also added Matthew 11:28-30 and Romans 8:37-39.

I created it at a low point, and completing it was very therapeutic for me.  The verses especially reminded me that God is with me, he is on my side, and I can rest in him.  So I guess more than anything, this painting helped me to regain a more hopeful perspective and outlook of my life and current situations. And to remember that God is still in control.

hope you like it.

Psalm 37:1-7

"Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.  Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.  Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.  Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him..."

Psalm 55:16-17

"But I call to God and the LORD saves me.  Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice."

Psalm 32:7

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Romans 8:37-39

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

let go

Letting go is difficult.  It can break your heart, break your spirit, and send you in a whirlwind of new, and sometimes very familiar, emotions.  Letting go is also freeing though.  As you release what you cling to, you are also being released yourself.

Letting go doesn't mean giving up. It is simply giving God control. An act of surrender. Thus allowing him to move freely in you, and allowing you room to breathe and relax.

 I often have little to say about HOW I create what I create.  It's hard to explain I guess.  It just sort of...happens.  This painting began with little direction.  I had no ideas of what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go with it. I chose to focus on a word: "breathe."  I love that word.  So often I the most important thing I can do is remind myself to breathe.  Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. In letting go, I sometimes find myself holding my breath, fighting emotions or bracing myself for what is to come.  Conscious and intentional breathing relaxes me.  It helps me to focus.  It helps me remember that it's okay to let go because God is in control.  And there is so much freedom in knowing and believing that. I don't have to have it all together. I don't have to find a way to make this happen. I don't have to know what the future holds, because Someone is already holding it for me and preparing me for it.  

All I have to do is breathe.

"Relax in the knowledge that the One who controls your life is totally trustworthy." [Jesus Calling, May 5th]