Posture

Like most artists, I often begin with a blank canvas. It makes sense, right? However, this time I instead began to paint over a lovely, yet undone, painting. Let me explain why.

I am realizing lately in my life that all my thoughts and preconceived notions- particularly about myself and about God, need to be undone in some ways.  I have long believed the same lies about myself, and although perhaps lovely on the outside, a massive reconstruction needed (needs) to happen. My thoughts need to be realigned, recentered, around the truth.  The lies I have believed need to be covered with new thoughts, new truths. This reality is only found through the cross and what Jesus accomplished for us, and the freedom He offers us.  

I am realizing that although I have known/known of Jesus my entire life, I have not yet truly known Him or experienced the freedom that He came to give. I have instead gotten sucked into cycle after cycle, lie after lie- about myself and about God himself- what He thinks of me and who He is.  

I have had glimpses of that freedom, even seasons at times, but I consistently return to my chains; namely- fear, pain, and shame. Living in freedom doesn't/didn't seem realistic or practical for me.  Yes, I was granted moments...but a LIFE of freedom? It didn't seem possible. At least for me.  And yet, that's exactly what Jesus said He came for- to loose our chains and set us free, totally and completely. Life is not about me, has never been about me, will never be about me.  And yet, I live 98% of my time as though it is, getting caught up in worries, fears of the unknown, schedules/plans, material desires, distractions...

So what does freedom look like, for me?  Honestly, I'm not sure yet, but one thing I do know is that I need more of Him and less of me. I can do nothing apart from Him. Life is so much bigger than our small human feeble minds can even begin to comprehend. Our lives are a speck, a breath, a blink, in the grander scheme of eternity. ETERNITY. A word I cannot even begin to grasp in its entirety.

God is so much bigger too, than our worries, fears, pains, and shame.  And He is calling to us. To you. To me.

Listen. 

Respond.
Receive.

This is the posture I want to be in.
At the cross, always at the cross.
That's where freedom is found.

"He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:30

Be Set Free

This painting was really fun for me to create. I sometimes put a lot of pressure on myself when painting, wanting everything to look and feel the way I want it to.  This time, however, I went back to my painting roots-- think less, feel more, let my hands do the work.  I am really happy with the result, and even more, with the process. 

For those who know me know I have quite a few tattoos.  One of my favorites is the birdcage on my right forearm.  The birdcage is open and you can see the birds flying out and up my arm, eventually landing and resting on the branches of the tree that covers most of my back and shoulder.  I really like the symbolism of the open birdcage.  It reminds me of the verse in John 8:32- "Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free."

So often in life we feel caged- by emotions, expectations, past regrets, fears, you name it.  And yet, through Jesus, we have been set free; we are un-caged, per say.  However, it is important to note that being free, even staying free, is ultimately a choice.  The cage can be, and is, open.  The birds have a choice to fly out though.  They can remain in the cage their whole lives, knowing full well and seeing that it is open, but choosing to live there instead, in bondage essentially.  They can also fly out, get a glimpse of freedom, only to return to the cage, and thus placing themselves in bondage once again.  OR they can leave the cage, perch on the branches of the tree, and experience true freedom, for the tree gives life- the birdcage does not.  They may be tempted to return to the cage; afterall in an odd way, it feels safe, even comfortable.  However, if they never take the chance to fly away, to really leave the cage behind, they will never experience real freedom.  

I challenge you to think about the things, the places, the fears that you hold onto that keep in you caged- or that entice you to return to the cage.

Do you want to live in freedom?

Be brave, be daring, step outside the cage.

Freedom is yours.

May the truth set you free today.

Choose Hope

I have been thinking a lot about (and feeling) anxiety and fear lately.  I find that it is terribly easy to get caught up in fear and despair, even, at times.  For me right now, it's mainly in regards to my own health, but often it's other things too.  Anxiety is a life-sucking beast and can be so debilitating at times. So one day recently I got really caught up in this fear and decided to paint through it instead of sitting in it.  I remembered that I have read in a devotional earlier to "make the choice to rejoice."  And that's just it- to live in fear is a choice.  To live in joy, with hope, is a choice.  Jesus constantly tell us, "do not fear."  This is not a suggestion, but a command, and ultimately a choice.  To rejoice in our sufferings, to be thankful in all circumstances, to trust God despite what we feel.  The choice to rejoice.  To choose hope instead of fear and despair.  Easier said than done but this is what I have been trying to focus on instead of fear an anxiety- but it is definitely a moment by moment choice! 

I hope it can serve as a reminder for you all, too.

Choose hope.

Healing will follow.

Summer Rain

If there’s one thing that refreshes my soul in the hot summer  months, it’s a good rain.  A lot of people tend to grumble about the  rain, often deeming rainy days as gloomy, depressing, and even  useless because rain can often get in the way of the activities and  plans we have for ourselves that day.  However, what we often  forget, and even take for granted, is that rain, and water itself, is  essential to life.  At our house, we pray and thank God for rainy  days, praising Him for sending the rain that makes the flowers  grow. Like flowers, we also need rain.  Rainy days refresh the earth,  and, if we allow, slow us down, make time for rest, and feed our  souls.  

Allow your soul to be refreshed by the rain today.

the woman in wood

In painting, I have always been intimidated by faces.  I have taken a few drawing and painting classes that involved landscapes and portraits but I could never get the measurements quite right and was always discouraged.  It seemed that "real life" was not in my painting realm, and that was okay with me.  I think more abstractly so it would make sense that my art would follow in suit with that.

However, I have recently become somewhat obsessed with faces in my artwork.  I have begun to explore this new realm and have found such freedom in it.  The proportions may never be exactly right but hey, it's abstract and it's mine..and therefore it doesn't seem to matter so much.

My husband found this old frame in our attic and I have been staring at it for weeks trying to decide what to do with it.  Finally- a few weeks ago- I just sat down to paint it and this is what came of it.  Frankly, I like it a lot.

Sometimes I surprise myself.

Eye See You

I painted this one before Halloween but thought I would (finally) post it.  Obviously I need to be better at updating my blog.  No real explanation to this one...I just had an idea- surprising for me!- and went with it.  It didn't turn out at all how I had envisioned it, but life usually happens that way! 

I am happy with the way it turned out.

"But the eyes are blind, One must look with the heart." 

[-antoine de saint-exupery]

Her

My sister, Annalise, asked me to create a painting for her for her birthday this past November. She said she didn't care much about what it looked like, she just wanted the theme to be around "nature."  It sounds silly, but it made me nervous to have a theme.  For the most part, I never have an idea of what I am going to paint; it just sort of..happens. My thoughts on this blog are not pre-thought but rather an after-thought, a reflection of my experience.  So beginning a painting with an idea, especially under the pressure of someone else's expectations, was intimidating to me.  However, I did it and this is what came of it.

Like many of my paintings, I begin one way and at some point, there is a shift into something that I can't explain in words.

This is the note I wrote to her that went along with the painting:

"I know this was probably not what you were expecting for a nature painting.  Where are the leaves and rainbows and trees?  I have a hard time beginning a painting with an idea, but I did try this time- for you!  I was trying to do some kind of rainy, sunset, ocean thing but it wasn't working and I was getting frustrated.  I stopped to take a breath and look at it before starting completely over, and that's when I saw HER.

It's interesting what happens when art and beauty happens to be there in the midst of your mess.  Often because we are so discouraged and frustrated with what we want it to look like and how we want things to be, that we completely miss it.  Not until we step back, take a breath, and look from a new perspective, can we actually see what's there and what was always meant to be.

I call it "accidental art" and it's my favorite, but it's really no accident at all.  There is purpose in every movement, every happening, every brush stroke.  Even when we can't feel it or see it, it is there.  She is there.

Out of the mess, comes beauty.
Out of chaos, comes peace.
Out of the ashes, comes life.

There is purpose in all of nature and in all of YOU.

So, no, this is not your average painting of a tree.  It is not a nice, well-developed landscape.  And yet, the very essence of nature is emanated through it.

It radiates.
And so do you."